


The Opposite of a SIM

by AmateurScribes



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Gen, Opposites Day, Post-Season/Series 17, Zine: Fools Zine (Red vs. Blue)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27948230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmateurScribes/pseuds/AmateurScribes
Summary: All Kimball wanted wasonemeasly yes or no to her question for any Red or Blue that crossed her path first. Instead, she needs to investigate the reasons for their newest and strangest behavior, as if she expected anything else.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 34





	The Opposite of a SIM

**Author's Note:**

> This is the zine piece that I did for the RvB Fools Zine! Of which you can read the digital copy here: [Zine](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1HNL-aYP-t3vNg4bNiRZ_HIDfmQSZ4Fsv/view?usp=sharing)!
> 
> Edited by myself but also looked over by fellow zine participants.

Having gone from Freedom Fighter to General to President within the last few years of her life has given Kimball what she would like to call an innate ability to keep a level head. It had served her well during the war, and it was serving her better during her time in office.

But something that she learned that was even more valuable than that was her ability to face whatever dumbassery the Reds and Blues would throw at her at a moment’s notice.

Now  _ that _ skill was what got her through the mornings every day ever since the Reds and Blues had returned from their retirement, decidedly telling her that they would much rather spend however long 'chilling out' on Chorus than anywhere else. 

And if she recently started asking her secretary to spike her morning coffee, well, that was between her and Kimball.

Kimball respected that the Reds and Blues were attempting to cut back on their galaxy ending shenanigans, and she could admit that some part of her was curious about what had happened on their latest adventure that had shaken them enough to not immediately get back into the fold- not to mention how hard it was for her to hold her tongue about Donut's absence.

But it had been quiet for about a month for SIM standards, which is why it really shouldn't have come to her as a surprise when she approached Caboose to ask what should have been a simple question of whether or not he and the others would attend a charity banquet at her behest and was greeted with the very distinctive and jarring voice of Sarge exclaiming, "Of course me and my fellow Blue bastard soldiers will."

In the time between her rapid blinks, she tries to dust off her skills of dealing with  _ exactly this, _ and asks, "Sarge, why are you wearing Caboose's armor?"

Barking out a laugh, Sarge shakes his head, but a quick glance down shows that his hands are clenched in trembling fists. "I haven't a clue what you mean! This has-" and by the tone of his voice she just knows that he's grinding his teeth together, "-always been the color of my armor! Yep, I've always been a disgusting and despicable Blue."

And after having dealt with UNSC delegates and politicians for the past year, Kimball smiles and placatingly says, "Of course, well, thank you for the confirmation about the banquet, but I have to deal with some other matters now," to get as far away from whatever nonsense or parasite that's taken over Sarge's mind, because she cannot think of a single reason or bribe that could have managed to get that man in a blue suit of armor and she was in no state of mind to find out.

Thinking the altercation was behind her, Kimball mistakenly assumed that she had avoided the unshakable pull the SIMs seemed to have on her.

It's when she runs into a baffled Jensen and a ranting Bitters that she remembered why one could  _ never _ make assumptions when dealing with the Reds and Blues.

Despite her better judgment, and after letting out a soul-crushing sigh, Kimball asks, "Is something the matter, lieutenants?"

Pensive as ever, Jensen starts to say, "Well, not necessarily, ma'am-"

But in an unprecedented display of emotion, Bitters cuts her off and demands, "Am I just allowed to arrest anybody on the grounds that they're being really fucking sus?"

"Without reasonable cause, no," and Kimball deigns to not point out that he should already know this as an officer, and instead asks, "Do I even want to know  _ who's _ acting suspiciously?"

"It's Captain Grif," Bitters answered.

Of course. "And has the Captain done anything that would  _ warrant _ an arrest?"

Scoffing, Bitters continues to passionately explain his stance to her, "Something's off about him, I don't know what, but I just know something is  _ wrong." _

"Wrong as in we should be alarmed or wrong as defined by a Red?" she quirked up an eyebrow, feeling the onset of a very persistent migraine.

"Er, perhaps the second one, because Captain Simmons has also been acting strangely," Jensen contributed.

Turning her attention towards the younger girl, Kimball asks, "Acting strange  _ how?" _

"It's just," Jensen takes a second to clear her mouth of spit, "he actually spoke to me and some other members of Red Team?"

It's by this point that she considers going and taking a nap. "That's it? Just... speaking?"

"Yes! Speaking! No stuttering or stammering, or one-off lines before running! A full conversation," Jensen exclaims. "He even spoke to Volleyball, and you know how he gets around her."

No, she actually doesn't, but just like before, she gives the two a reassuring smile and decides to vacate the premises, except that doesn't work either because she keeps having to stop every couple of minutes and console random- but still recognizable from the days of when it was just her and the New Republic- people  _ crying _ openly. And upon questioning their distress, they all said the same exact thing to her.

Caboose had,  _ apparently, _ told them that he was no longer their friend, and in fact, he was a lone wolf- although, it was actually 'lone capybara' that he had said according to the inconsolable citizens- and never needed friends to begin with.

_ That's _ what finally cracks her down enough to seek out the two most reasonable people who affiliated with the Reds and Blues.

However, by the time she reaches Carolina and Wash they are preoccupied with the source of her headache.

"What do you mean I get points taken off due to lack of creativity?" Sarge bellows. "I should get maximum points for creativity- I painted my own beautiful red armor blue!"

"Yeah, but everyone knew that's what you would jump to," Wash frowned, trying to stifle his laughter.

Sarge sputtered in anger, but Tucker pushed ahead of him to demand, "Ok, that I get, but why am I being penalized? I haven't said my signature line all day; do you know how hard it is for me to hold back?"

"You and Kaikaina had the same idea," Carolina shrugged. "Had it not been for the doubling, you guys would have gotten more points based on your efforts."

"Are you kidding me?! That's so unfair," Kimball had only met Grif's sister a handful of times before now, and each time left an impression on her, and as the other woman continued to speak, this moment continued that track record. "I even wore a chastity belt, how much more 'not promiscuous' can you get?"

"Be original next time," Wash deadpans.

"Can't believe I'm getting points deducted for  _ double-teaming," _ Tucker whined.

Simmons huffs and glares at Grif, scowling as he says, "How the hell did you get more points than me? It took everything I had to speak to my former team and- you don't even look like you've done anything all day!"

"Damn, that's crazy that you think that, Simmons," Grif remarked. "Try smelling my hair."

Simmons glared at him, but did exactly that before gasping and stepping back, "You-"

"That's right- I  _ showered," _ Grif smirked. "And if you were paying attention all day, then you would have noticed that I washed my hands after every meal and that I've cleaned up my messes-"

"It shouldn't have taken you this long to have proper hygiene," Simmons shrieks. "And certainly not for a contest- your opposite might have been better than Tucker's, but I put more effort into mine!"

And that of course, gets both Tucker and Kaikaina- because from what she's gathered, they must have had the same 'opposite'- to indignantly yell, "HEY!" at Simmons, which in turn led to them all nagging each other instead of Wash and Carolina about their points.

Kimball decides to finally step forward and cough into her fist to get the attention of the Freelancers, "Right, what the hell is all of this?"

"Opposites Day," Carolina answers as a smirk begins to curl her lips as she watches the bickering turn into straight-up infighting.

"Opposites Day?" Kimball repeats, feeling her early grave just around the corner.

"Sorry about this, General," Wash at least has the dignity to apologize. "These past few weeks have been... tough, and so Caboose had the idea to do this whole contest thing, to see who could come up with the best opposite personality."

A quick look at the board they were all gathered around confirms that Caboose took the lead.

"And you both agreed to this, why?" Kimball asks, but is slowly finding herself not nearly as annoyed.

The two shared a look, but it's Carolina who answers, "I like seeing my boys happy."

And if Kimball goes back to her office finding herself agreeing with Carolina, then that's just between her and her coffee spiked glass of gin.

**Author's Note:**

> Wanted to do a little opposites day idea and this zine was the perfect opportunity to do so! Do check out everyone else's pieces for the zine, everyone worked really hard on it and it came out so good! So grateful for the opportunity to participate.
> 
> If you'd like to contact me you can find me at either of my Tumblr's: @agent-murica (main) and @amateurscribes (writing)!


End file.
